Friday, April 18, 2008
My Misery
How do you get though a month that you want to sleep through?
May is the worst month ever for me. I have had two miscarriages both of them due in May. My first miscarriage I was due May 9, 2005. My sister in law was due a week after me, she gave birth on May 10, 2005. We named our baby, Emily Faith, to help me get through the pain. I begged my husband to tell his family that we did this, he never did. Right before my sister in law had her baby my husband informed me that they were naming their baby Emily and that he has been keeping that from me for a few months. Still to this day I am very upset over this. I can’t change her name, what I am upset about is that my husband never did what I asked him to do. If he had told his family, that little girls name wouldn’t be the same as my dead child’s. Although my pain has lessened over my lose and the thought of this little girl having this name has become bearable, I am still very angry with my husband.
I have had a little girl since my first miscarriage and I have lost another baby. I was informed on October 17, 2007 that my fifth pregnancy might not make it. I had a small bleed when they did my ultrasound. The embryo was measuring 6 weeks when I was supposed to be 8 weeks. On October 20th I started the process of a natural miscarriage, October 23rd my baby was no longer within me. I was due with this baby on May 26. 2007. Two women I know are pregnant and due at the end of May, one in fact is due May 26th.
How do I get through this month? My birthday and Mother’s Day is in this month and I have no desire to celebrate them. I just want to skip through this month and the first part of June.
After 6 months of losing my baby I still am not pregnant. I try to be patience and listen for God’s plan, but it’s hard. I have decided to enjoy my daughter at her age that she is at now, 19 months. I never did that with my two boys who are 16 months apart, I was always focused on the child I was pregnant with after them. Even though I know that I have been blessed with three wonderful children from God here on Earth, I still want to sleep through May.
May is the worst month ever for me. I have had two miscarriages both of them due in May. My first miscarriage I was due May 9, 2005. My sister in law was due a week after me, she gave birth on May 10, 2005. We named our baby, Emily Faith, to help me get through the pain. I begged my husband to tell his family that we did this, he never did. Right before my sister in law had her baby my husband informed me that they were naming their baby Emily and that he has been keeping that from me for a few months. Still to this day I am very upset over this. I can’t change her name, what I am upset about is that my husband never did what I asked him to do. If he had told his family, that little girls name wouldn’t be the same as my dead child’s. Although my pain has lessened over my lose and the thought of this little girl having this name has become bearable, I am still very angry with my husband.
I have had a little girl since my first miscarriage and I have lost another baby. I was informed on October 17, 2007 that my fifth pregnancy might not make it. I had a small bleed when they did my ultrasound. The embryo was measuring 6 weeks when I was supposed to be 8 weeks. On October 20th I started the process of a natural miscarriage, October 23rd my baby was no longer within me. I was due with this baby on May 26. 2007. Two women I know are pregnant and due at the end of May, one in fact is due May 26th.
How do I get through this month? My birthday and Mother’s Day is in this month and I have no desire to celebrate them. I just want to skip through this month and the first part of June.
After 6 months of losing my baby I still am not pregnant. I try to be patience and listen for God’s plan, but it’s hard. I have decided to enjoy my daughter at her age that she is at now, 19 months. I never did that with my two boys who are 16 months apart, I was always focused on the child I was pregnant with after them. Even though I know that I have been blessed with three wonderful children from God here on Earth, I still want to sleep through May.
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